Confidence is generally described as a state of being certain either that a hypothesis or prediction is correct or that a chosen course of action is the best or most effective. Self-confidence is having confidence in oneself. Arrogance or hubris in this comparison is having unmerited confidence—believing something or someone is capable or correct when they are not. Overconfidence or presumptuousness is excessive belief in someone (or something) succeeding, without any regard for failure. Confidence can be a self-fulfilling prophecy as those without it may fail or not try because they lack it and those with it may succeed because they have it rather than because of an innate ability. Taken to an extreme, over-confidence can cause problems as evidenced by the famous author Matthew Syed and mentioned here in this reference in regard to sport.
The above definition is from Wikipedia. I love the simplistic way that Wikipedia explains nearly everything. A word that is very well spoken among people. Do we really understand though the meaning of it? If a person goes to a coach to boost his confidence, does that mean that he has lack of confidence or does that mean he has self-awareness of his weak point and he wants to boost it up? Lack of confidence means depression?
I was present in a conversation the other days with few friends and they were telling a story about a girl called Sarah. She was work -alcoholic and she didn’t have personal life as they claimed. So, they all concluded that she had luck of confidence and she was hiding behind work. I was just listening, until they asked my opinion. I answered with question “Do you really know this girl Sarah? Her life status? Have you ever spoken with her?” They all looked at me and their answer was no, except from one person who said “Yes, I did say hello once and chat about the weather”. Then, I answered again with question “So, without speaking to her, knowing her status, her life you have all concluded that she lacks of confidence? So, by not working too much makes us confident people?” They were feeling little bit frustrated to be honest, because they didn’t know what to answer.
It is so easy for people to judge and easily make conclusions for other people’s lives and so easy to blame lack of confidence for almost everything. After few days were past, we met again for coffee and were discussing about Sarah saying that she tried for the better but with no much success. I asked how they have changed their mind even for a while. One of the group said “She went to a seminar for positive thinking, she was very good and smiley the first 2 days but later one, she was her old self again, moody and sad”. I laughed and said “junkie seminar” then. They all asked what junkie seminar is. Many seminars subject is about thinking positive, feeling strong and that we can achieve nearly anything. I totally disagree with this philosophy. “Success it is not by chance by a choice”. It is not enough going in a seminar/workshop for few days and then stops trying, stopping developing ourselves. Success it is all about consistency in anything we do. If we are consistent in something including our self-development then nothing can stop our goals to be succeeded. The only obstacle is us and how we define ourselves to our own self. Yes, seminars do work and has great results if we have consistency in our self-development. I don’t mean that we need to have a coach forever but we can develop ourselves through reading, seminars, coaching training etc. Self-development never stops as never stops the success.
When I register my company in in 2009, everybody was saying to me that I won’t make it, that competition is too big and that I will fail. Seven years later, I am still here and my company grow but this didn’t happen by chance but it happened through my vision, my consistency and hard work. The failure was and it is not in my vocabulary. The opportunity though it is. Any “failures” or not successful attempts as I prefer to call them were in my path I took them as opportunities to explore what I missed or maybe it wasn’t what I really wanted. The important point is to be able to explore and don’t allow to this unpleasant moments get us down. Here it is what a coach can help us, a seminar, a workshop, reading anything that works for us but be consisted in that.
I will share with you my 3WS THEORY that can assist us in developing our decision process making and be more consistent.
3WS theory by NT
What: Starting from what I want is the most fundamental factor of our success. We need to be clear in what we want.
Why: What is the drive behind this that we want? If the “why” factor is strong then, we are near to our goal success.
When: Everything has a deadline. A goal is a dream with deadline and this deadline will help us to succeed our goal. Try this few steps and share with me your comments!
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Nadia Themis Transformational/executive coach