Nadia Themis Blog - Judgement, critisism
In: Social Issues0

A strange thing happens when humans feel that they are being judged. The first response is to feel Its guilty, even the most power emotionally people feel guilty when they are being judged. Research into the way functions tell us that this is because strong negative feeling like fear and guilt actually bypass the cognitive pathways of the brain. Daniel Coleman the author of Emotional Intelligence refers to this experience as “emotional hijacking”.

Nobody likes feeling stressed, fear and guilty. So, when we are being judged we are in the defense mode. All of our energy goes into to repel the guilty feeling by repelling the judgment that created it. Those judge others usually justify it to themselves on the basis in “truth” or “expertise”. However, our knowledge of the way human mind works tells us that the “truth” of the judgment doesn’t make one iota difference. Our response to judgment is emotional, not rational, so even if the advice is based on years of data and experience, we are still likely to have a negative response to it. We stop listening, we feel uncomfortable. We might believe that creating a “trusting environment” is a prerequisite living. Judgment shifts the power of balance from one of partnership to one of inequality.

Judgment and criticism comes from the same family. The criticism where I am referring is where you decide that your opinion is the right or better one and the other person’s is wrong or not as good. This may be a very black or white perspective about criticism but criticism is really black and white. You are either criticizing or you are not. Criticizing is the practice of judging. It is like being a judge in the court room, you judge base on Law principles. We all live by our rules and this is okay. The judgment enters when you see the other rule as being wrong. If we do respect the others rules then this is okay and free of judgment.

We judge people because our own self-esteem is low. Judging is a form of comparison. We compare ourselves against others. We judge others because we don’t like who we are. This is the sad outcome of judgement. Imagine all the energy we put into judging others we turned back on ourselves and spent that energy on liking ourselves. Have in mind every time when you judge someone that you are actually projecting outwards what you are feeling about yourself. If you think that someone does not respect you then is likely that you are not respecting yourself. Cure judgement with love. Use your own self as touchstone for achievement and success. Once you are in this state of feeling in control of your own success, you have a stable base from which to engage with others. Instead of comparing other people’s lives to yours, you are able to allow them their own journey.

To move away from judging others is to move towards loving who you are.


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