How many times have you really said NO? I am sure that there were not many times, have you even wondered why we say YES? We believe that by saying YES people will like us, accept us as one of their “gang”. Is that actually the case though?
Well, I have observed the last 23 years, while I was studying human behavior including myself actually I am my best experiment!
People, when they receive things with ease, don’t really appreciate what they are being given and the same applies for relationships. To be honest with you this is something that I never understand but this is the sad truth.
So, we end up observing that people are masochist, meaning that they like to suffer. Isn’t that insane? Yes, but it is not really about real suffering but troubling themselves which leads to suffering. Maybe we have been taught that we cannot be really happy or for something to be really worth it we need to struggle to get it. Think about it for a moment money, success, does not everyone talk about how hard it is to be successful? If you are watching Instagram, Facebook and other social media definitely you will feel that success is damn hard. Because if your definition of success is that expensive Range Rover, a palace and multi million dollars then yes that would be hard to get.
Everything starts from self-worth; our happiness depends on how we see ourself. We really get what we believe that we value. If we see ourselves like a piece of a crap, then we will expect people to treat us like shit. Then we have complaints of course and we blame others calling them assholes and pricks, but the biggest prick is actually inside us. WE ALLOW THEM TO TREAT US LIKE THAT, actually we are the ones who are treating ourselves like shit! Take a few minutes and think about it.
The only person that can change our life is YOU, no one can do it for you. Even if you find someone to do it for you they will not do it the way you truly want it because they are not you!
Start saying NO to people and situations that makes you feel weak and unhappy. It is not easy to say NO when you have been wired to be a YES person. WE were groomed to say yes without really ever having a reason. I remember when I was a child, my mother used to tell us that we should accept our fate and that it was our destiny. As you realize, that’s something I didn’t really accept. Actually, that was the moment I said to myself and to my mother “I will never accept a fate that doesn’t suit me, I want to live, I want to see the world and I will do that mum no matter what.” That was a promise to myself and because it was so strong inside me I did it.
I was born and raised on an island, but I have observed this trend of behaviour in all the countries I have lived like Caribbean, New York, Africa, Europe
How can we change this pattern inside us? Before going there though I need to mention that this applies in everything in life! Even, in the workplace, friendships, family and relationships.
Friends should accept us as we are, and we should accept them as they are. Me personally I wouldn’t say I am an easy friend to have as I can be a bit demanding. I need to find my special spot in a coffeeshop, in a pool, sometimes might “disappear” to get my ‘me time’. My daily routine is not an easy task for everyone. Some even said to me that I am too positive and energetic. My close and real friends though have accepted and embrace my eccentric personality.
Years ago, when others were calling me crazy my true friends were calling me gifted and special especially because of the life I led and my level of generosity. I will never forget this, I used to be a YES person years ago and I stopped that when I realized that people do not always appreciate your “loyalty”. So be your true self and be with people who will appreciate your true personality. Believe me life will be much easier and happier.
We can change our fate and destiny as long as we know what we want from life and from people. So go get it.
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